Lost Wings
by senga6
Summary: A bird flies, but the higher one flies, the farther one will fall. Five different point of views of the fall.
1. START

S T A R T

From the beginning, we come to the end… Then the beginning again.

* * *

_Konnichiwa. I am Daidouji Tomoyo._

_I'm not really sure where to start. Some psychologist told us if we wrote it down, it would make us feel better. In all truth, I think it'll just make it worse, but at least we've all made a promise to not look at what anyone else has written._

_Everyone else is so jumbled up and confused, so anything else in here will probably be practically impossible to understand._

_I think I'll start from the beginning._

~:~*~:~

_I think it was when Sakura began telling Syaoran something._

_It wasn't either of their faults, really. Sakura was getting desperate to tell him, and Syaoran was the best student in the whole school, so the school was basically saying, "If you don't do well, we won't like you anymore. No pressure."_

_People can be such idiots._

~:~*~:~

_Syaoran was in an especially bad mood that day. He didn't mean to brush Sakura off, he especially didn't mean to take out his anger on Sakura, the only person he ever liked. But it's kind of hard to speak normally to your crush, and you'll snap under great pressure._

_I'd never seen Sakura run so fast, or Syaoran look so guilty. But he didn't chase after her, and we both went home._

_Ring ring, the phone call that marked the beginning._

~:~*~:~

_I'm not an idiot. I've been friends with Sakura since forever, basically. Cousins, best friends, all that stuff. I could see that her smile wasn't the same._

_It was so obviously forced._

_But I'm not the one that could do anything about it._

_It was pretty painful, watching her smile while no one else or a specific someone did anything._

_I could already see her wilting._

~:~*~:~

_Syaoran hasn't spoken to her yet._

_I watch Sakura try to say something with a pain in my heart._

_I watch her heart break all over again._

_And still, Syaoran doesn't say a thing._

~:~*~:~

_Sakura's eyes were getting dangerous._

_Not dangerous to us, dangerous to her own self._

_I don't know what to do anymore_

_I can't do anything.._

_Help her already, you stupid idiot._

~:~*~:~

_She's always looking outside nowadays._

_The look in her eyes… It gives me an especially bad feeling._

_All of us are dying, watching her._

_Sakura, Sakura, my dearest best friend and cousin… Where are you?_

~:~*~:~

_Her smile… It's growing even more strained._

_The doctors think she can go soon. Damn them._

_I don't know what to write anymore. It feels like I can't do anything to help her._

_Someone, please…_

~:~*~:~

_Syaoran still hasn't spoken._

_I can't speak to her anymore, either. It's just… she doesn't seem to even want to listen anymore. And when she doesn't want something, she won't._

_I think I'm breaking as well._

_I'm walking on glass shards of Sakura's broken heart._

~:~*~:~

Tomoyo went home after so many urges from Fujitaka and Touya. They said that Sakura needed her thinking time.

Yet she had a horrible feeling that this was all going much too wrong.

When the call came, the phone was dropped with a clatter.

_I… I don't know._

_Someone, please, someone, I don't know, Just PLEASE!_

_She… She's gone and broken herself again._

_Just… She can't see._

_She can't walk._

_She can't talk._

_She can't do ANYTHING but hear now._

_But would she listen?_

_Onegai, someone…_

~:~*~:~

_Her eyes, her eyes…_

_Darkened completely._

_Blank._

_That horrid nothingness._

_Irreversible._

_You're telling me those beautiful green eyes can't see?_

_Impossible._

_This is stupidity._

_I can't accept this._

~:~*~:~

_He finally speaks._

_The curse is broken._

_No one knows how relieved I am._

_Thank you, Syaoran. For bringing her back._

* * *

So much to say…

I think I'll wait until they're done talking.

Then we can start over again.


	2. FLY

F L Y

She was trapped underneath the sky.

* * *

For a single moment, she thought that perhaps she could reach out and tell him that she loved him.

And then the next thing she knew, she was running and there was amazing pain. When she woke up from her dreams of the utter darkness, she could no longer speak.

_Can't scream,_

_Can't hear,_

_Disappear._

_Falling, falling,_

_The darkness welcomes._

~:~*~:~

She fakes a reassuring smile at her family and friends, the day seeming interminable. However, when night comes, she is finally alone with her thoughts…

The dark has been calling out to her, and she doesn't know what to do.

_She listens to the night,_

_Watches the shadows writhe and dance,_

_There must be balance._

_Light and Dark…_

_Is the dark necessarily evil?_

~:~*~:~

He is there, by her side, trying to make her smile. She feels desperate, tries to tell him that one thing she _had_ to tell him with words…

She opens her mouth, but no sound comes out.

_She flaps her wings,_

_Tries to reach the never-ending sky,_

_Crushed by its weight,_

_She falls, falls…_

_The bird no longer sings._

~:~*~:~

She's tired of simply sitting there, wishing the doctors would let her go out already. She suspects they know that her mind is deteriorating, however slowly it may be. She knows it all too well herself.

Her mind was supplying her things that should not have been, but she was far too tired to argue with herself that it was all a lie.

_Every night, every day_

_She lives on and on, on and on…_

_Continuously walking,_

_Tries to find the end to her journey,_

_She watches the dance on the moon of the fae._

~:~*~:~

Phsyically, she was absolutely fine, with the exception of the whole unable-to-speak thing. Yet mentally, her mind was going into chaos, falling down and down.

Unable to hear herself, yet able to hear everyone else… It was driving her crazy.

Not a word, not a sound,

_The spider crawls up the web._

_Lies, scattered on droplets of rain,_

_Pitter patter, pitter patter,_

_Can she still say she is sane?_

~:~*~:~

Not truly suicidal, she began to wonder about death.

She wasn't thinking about _her_ death. She was thinking about death and life in general. Life, a dream, death, the end to the dream. Slowly, the insanity spread.

Her true smile was long gone.

_Beauty in death,_

_The sun setting upon an ending,_

_Asleep to a dream she could not wake up from,_

_Ripples of water spread across the lake,_

_A smile lost to the winds._

~:~*~:~

What would she do if she could talk? Scream? Cry? Mutter to herself, just because she knew she was going insane and wanted to act the part of it? No matter how much she wanted to tell them what she was thinking, she couldn't speak, and it simply wouldn't be the same if she wrote it down or something.

Where was that light those people in the movies were always talking about?

_Not a whisper, not a scream,_

_The owl hoots to the night._

_Truths, upon her lips,_

_A sound she could not utter._

_She hasn't found the light._

~:~*~:~

She rested her head, listening to the sound of a doctor pitying her bad fortune. They all acted as if since she couldn't speak, she couldn't hear either. In a moment of clarity, she realized what she was. She was simply a burden that no one needed.

She couldn't stand the pity everyone was showering upon her. She jumped out the window, vaguely realizing how lucky she was that her room was on the first floor, else she probably would've died. And then she ran blindly before the familiar pain and darkness overwhelmed her world again.

_She is still,_

_Knows the sky is far out of her reach._

_No longer crushed by the sky,_

_But another weight hangs over her head._

_The bird can no longer fly._

~:~*~:~

She could hear their pity practically dripping from their words, but at least she couldn't see those insincere faces, knowing that all of them were happy to know that now she couldn't cause anymore trouble since she could no longer move.

And the darkness was back for good now, but something else came back with it.

_She closes her eyes to the sun,_

_The lights hungering to be seen._

_The scale is tipped._

_The world is not made of white and black,_

_There is everything in-between._

~:~*~:~

A voice. _The_ voice, the one she hadn't heard since the first accident, the one that drove her crazy with love, the one she missed so much, telling her that she could start over. That he would be there for her.

He, perhaps, did not know it. But those words meant more to her than he could ever know.

_Scream,_

_Hear them as well._

_Reach to reality,_

_A hand to grab before you fell,_

_Bu the light is so blinding._

* * *

She sleeps upon dreams,

A bird that was never truly a bird,

For she could not fly.


	3. TEARSTAINED

T E A R – S T A I N E D

Day after day, night after night… There was no end.

* * *

_Yukito always said I had a sister complex._

_It's true, but you don't hear me admitting it._

_She's my little sister._

_I'm wasn't going to let the gaki take her away._

_He broke her heart, even though he loved her too._

_I hate you, Li Syaoran._

~:~*~:~

_I'm her brother, goddammit._

_The one with the sister complex._

_I see her smile._

_Pssh._

_It's fake._

_Without a doubt._

_In a way, she seems happy she can't talk._

_Can't face us and tell what's wrong._

_What happened to that happy smile?_

~:~*~:~

_Gaki. I hate you._

_Nobody else does, but I do._

_I hate you so much._

_For taking away my sister._

_For breaking her without even wanting to._

_You doesn't deserve her._

_Neither do I._

~:~*~:~

_Sakura…_

_Did you ever realize I had a sister complex?_

_I'm not sure._

_We all love you. Family, friends._

_The center of our universe._

_The pillar that lets us stand up.'_

_Corny, yes._

_But it's true._

_When you fall, we all do._

~:~*~:~

_Nadeshiko… Mom._

_You look a lot like her, Sakura._

_Dad's breaking._

_Your eyes…_

_You look so unhappy._

_Wait._

_For us._

_Dad, me._

_Tomoyo._

_Even the gaki, if you must._

_If you left…_

_We-_

~:~*~:~

_Why are you smiling like that?_

_I think we're all broken._

_I think-_

_Oh. The gaki._

_Comes in._

_You stare at him._

_It's all his fault._

_Why are you still in love?_

_Damn._

_Sakura…_

_If it makes you that happy._

_I'll let you go._

~:~*~:~

_Feels like I'm wandering around aimlessly._

_Something's wrong._

_You look… angrily determined._

_What?_

_What now?_

_I think you need to cool off._

_I don't think I'm helping you at all._

_I'll leave for a bit._

_Be right back._

_Be okay when I come back._

~:~*~:~

_Sakura…?_

_Is that you?_

_That's a lie._

_You-_

_No._

_I refuse._

_Your eyes…_

_You won't be able to walk anymore._

_Stomp on my foot._

_I…_

~:~*~:~

_You'll never know._

_That I cried every single day and night._

_I'm not supposed to cry._

_I'm your older brother._

_The one that's supposed to be strong for you._

_I wash my face every time before I see you._

_I look into the mirror._

_See my tear-stained cheek._

_I look so pitiful._

_Sakura._

_You won't listen to anyone._

_Stupid gaki._

_Hasn't even talked to you yet._

~:~*~:~

_Are you going to cry?_

_If you are, I don't know what I'll do._

_Tears coming out of those large, blank, green eyes that used to laugh at me._

_Gaki._

_Talk to her._

_Or else._

_Because you're the only one she'll listen to now._

_I don't beg._

_But, just this once…_

_Please._

~:~*~:~

_You're my sister._

_Sakura._

_My only sister._

_Syaoran._

_She loves you a lot, you know._

_You break her heart again, there's going to be a lot of people after your blood._

_She loves you so much._

_Gaki…_

_I'll say this only one time._

_Thank you._

* * *

No more tears.

I won't cry anymore.

For you, my little sister.

I need to be strong.


	4. FALL

F A L L

I watch your descent into madness.

* * *

Another day gone by, another day he didn't tell her.

Another smile she gave him, and he had hoped that this happiness would last forever.

But when that phone call came, his world shattered.

_A moment in time,_

_Frozen, unmoving,_

_If I had tried to reach out…_

_Would I have caught you?_

~:~*~:~

A car crash.

Of all things to disable her, it had to be a car.

He couldn't bear the look in her eyes, bear to remember he would never hear that voice that made him do the stupidest of things, and walked out of the room.

_You can't speak, can't tell me a thing,_

_And I feel as if I've lost you to the dark._

_Something's on your mind, and I wait._

_Would you tell me?_

~:~*~:~

She opens her mouth, as if to tell him something.

There's panic in her eyes, and some hesitation as well.

And when nothing comes out, both are bitterly disappointed.

_You look desperate, so unhappy,_

_If you had something to say, couldn't you tell me?_

_Even without words, you could've written it down._

_Why do you hesitate?_

~:~*~:~

Her eyes are dark, and somehow, something is completely different about her.

He watches her painfully, knowing she could never tell him what was wrong anymore, and all those years of friendship was telling him that she was very much unhappy.

All those years of love was telling him that she was going crazy.

_You're obviously tired,_

_You obviously want to say something,_

_So I'm here, waiting._

_As I watch you kill yourself from the inside._

~:~*~:~

He visited her whenever he could, and there was always at least one person there visiting her.

And even with all the attention, her smile was obviously fake to him, and somewhat troubled.

He was getting really worried.

_You smile without a word,_

_Like you know I'm worrying about you again._

_What is the truth?_

_Why won't you tell me?_

~:~*~:~

One contemplated death, while the other mused about life.

Life, so dark, took away his everything, leaving him in a situation he could handle by walking away, but didn't.

There was no "because". Everything was simply what it was.

His world was getting dangerously close to shattering, and suddenly, he realized he had not spoken to her since the crash.

_The darkness in life,_

_Golden-pink petals of dawn, reaching out._

_Awake, stuck in a nightmare he could leave from,_

_But instead chose not to._

_The earth shakes beneath his feet,_

_His eyes ask the question you will not answer._

~:~*~:~

He thinks everyone's getting the hint.

That everyone's catching on to the fact that she isn't being her normal self.

But it was far too slow for him.

_Sometimes, secretly, I watch you frown,_

_When you think no one's watching._

_What is the lie? Your smile, or the frown?_

_I think I know, but I just want you to tell me._

~:~*~:~

There was something about the way her mouth was pursed together with determination that made him scared. What was she going to do now?

But he trusted her not to do anything stupid, and when he went home again, he got the call again.

And he cried like a child, unable to push back the tears anymore.

_You're suddenly so unhappy with staying where you are._

_Why can't you stay still?_

_Can't you see that I wouldn't be able to bear it if something else happened?_

_And like that, you were off again, making my heart wail._

~:~*~:~

Fate played with his heart again, tempted his rage and silent love.

How cruel it was, to take her everything, her all. To take everything she ever had, except her hearing, to hear everyone, to listen, but unable to do a thing about it.

And when he looked into those eyes that used to take his breath every single goddamned time, he broke internally, and every single time, he silently cried, a tear slipping out from those hard amber eyes.

_I'm scared._

_Scared of what will happen if I let you go again,_

_But then again, I never had you in the first place._

_Your eyes… Those beautiful eyes with so much love, gone._

~:~*~:~

He visits again, after vowing to himself he will bring her back. The her that he remembered and loved.

And he talks. His voice is quiet, sad, reassuring, and a hint of overwhelming hope.

She listens, and gives the faintest smile that she probably didn't even notice was there.

_For the first time, I talk._

_I tell you that you can start over._

_Because it's true._

_And I will be there through everything._

* * *

Can you hear me?

I… I love you.

You don't even need to say anything, just…

…Thank you.


	5. SILENCE

S I L E N C E

One is already gone. I will not let the other go.

* * *

_Kinomoto Fujitaka._

_Kinomoto Nadeshiko._

_Kinomoto Touya._

_Kinomoto Sakura._

_This is our family. I will not let it break any further._

~:~*~:~

_Li Syaoran._

_I don't hold grudges._

_It wasn't your fault, from what I've heard, anyways._

_I know how it feels to fall in love…_

_And then fall._

~:~*~:~

_I'm her father, you know._

_She smiles._

_Fake._

_Obviously._

_I'm her father._

_I should know._

~:~*~:~

_Sakura, Sakura._

_The name Nadeshiko loved so much._

_A flower._

_You're dying._

_A flower doesn't die suddenly. It's slow._

_Painstakingly slow._

_A flower that half-way dies can't be revived._

_You are not a flower._

_Live._

~:~*~:~

_When you're tired, you sleep._

_Yet you refuse to sleep._

_Does something haunt you?_

_Something haunts me._

_Sakura, you're my only daughter._

_There will be Touya left, but he loves you so much._

_And if you go, he will be broken without repair._

_And what will I be?_

_Sakura… What are you going to do?_

~:~*~:~

_I know you want to go outside._

_Wait._

_Please._

_They will let you go out soon._

_Nadeshiko… You're already gone._

_Sakura, don't go as well._

_It's far too early for your time._

_Don't do anything._

_For your father._

~:~*~:~

_If you don't want to smile, don't._

_That fake smile is even worse._

_The silence is even more prominent with that smile._

_I never told you, did I?_

_I don't like the silence._

_And there used to never be silence around you._

_Such a happy girl…_

_Do you see?_

_He loves you as well._

_But you need to see it for yourself._

~:~*~:~

_Tomoyo's about to break._

_Touya is lost._

_Syaoran is worried._

_I am silent._

~:~*~:~

_I'm sorry._

_I thought you just wanted some time to think._

_I didn't, didn't think you would-_

_Oh. Sakura._

_Why?_

_Your eyes, the ones that came from Nadeshiko…_

_The silence is suffocating me again._

~:~*~:~

_Nadeshiko._

_I'm sorry._

_I… Sakura._

_Our daughter._

_Her eyes, her legs, her arms, her voice…_

_Nadeshiko…_

_I hate crying._

~:~*~:~

_Sakura._

_Will you listen?_

_You're even more unhappy now._

_I can't-_

_You-_

_I-_

_Please. At least listen to him._

_The boy you love._

~:~*~:~

_Sakura, my daughter._

_Let go._

_There is so much of the world for you to see._

_He loves you._

_Listen._

_Your silence doesn't have to be._

_Even if you can't speak… You can smile._

_There is only silence for me and Nadeshiko._

_Listen, while you can._

_She is gone, and only silence remains for me._

* * *

Sakura, dear.

Your eyes remind me of Nadeshiko.

Not a day goes by without me missing her, hating the silence.

Do not leave him alone with the silence as well.


End file.
